(January 21, 2024) Robert McQuillan shares sincerely…

Don’t know about you, but in my early Sunday school days one the first things I was encouraged to memorise was The Lord’s Prayer.

In The Debt Trap Dr Richard Winter writes about Jesus teaching this prayer in Matthew 6:9-11, and  particularly highlights verses 14-15: ‘For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.’ He makes it very clear that not forgiving leads to being trapped by the emotional and spiritual debt of non-forgiveness.

I highly recommend you read Dr Richard’s article… especially if, like myself and others, you intend moving ahead in 2024 free from restraints that so easily waylay, a major one being not forgiving others who have offended us!

Challenge
Mark 11:25 and John 20:23 also point out this need to forgive anyone who offends us. And here I ask a very important and challenging question…

• Have you ever seriously considered that ‘anyone’ means not just those who aren’t Christians, or so-called friends, or family, but also spiritual brothers and sisters, even ministers? In other words, anyoneat all who has hurt us in some way in the past, is hurting us now in the present, and may hurt us in the future. This means everyone, covering a wide field of people who must be forgiven!

I’ve mentioned ministers… sadly I’ve come across Christians who feel offended by something a minister said in a sermon and they’ve taken offence. Some have even left great churches. Enquiring what was actually said, it is clear that they’ve completely misunderstand what the minister was teaching from God’s word… (or they’ve felt guilty for some reason, usually because they wrongly thought the pastor was looking straight at them!). And sometimes when I delve further, they’ve been holding a grudge against that minister and they need to repent and forgive.

Churches are not free of deception! I recall such an incident against me decades ago. I’d wondered why a particular couple had abruptly left our church; then about five years later I bumped into them in a major shopping store. I immediately observed that they were clearly embarrassed to see me and I warmly greeted them with a smile and hugs. Straight off they apologised, sharing that they’d been told lies about me, wrongly believing them and leaving the church. Later they realised they’d been deceived, but didn’t know what to do.

I told them that I wasn’t offended, that I’d forgotten about it. And that I would never hold anything against anyone, not even folk who did something to me, never mind leaving the church for whatever reason, and that they were welcomed back. Oh the joy that came on their faces!

Get the picture here? I’d been unaware why they’d suddenly left, but had ensured I wouldn’t be wrongly holding anything against them!

• Forgiving someone over anything, whether or not you know why they’ve done wrong, is vital!
• Forgiving you can dismiss the whole scenario, leaving it all with the Lord… and be free to move on!
• No heavy cloud, no devilish chain binds you, no sad memory robs you of enjoying life in your moving on into all that God has for you!

Consequences
Here’s another example of the need to forgive even when one doesn’t know the full story.

John (not real name) now in his senior years shared that he’s had something against his father for decades all because his mother had committed suicide when he was just a child. Not only had he lost the precious caring of his loving mother, but his very tough dad didn’t show tender fatherly love to his son. Oh he didn’t physically abuse John, just didn’t know how to be emotionally disposed toward his young boy like a mother does automatically and sensitively, not even when John grew up.

Consequently John had felt lonely, deprived of much for many years and wondering about his mum’s suicide eg ‘Who is to blame? Me?’ Praise God that when I counselled him and pointed out the need to forgive his now aged dad in both mind and heart, John did so and instantly received relief and the peace of God! I also encouraged him to forget the hard ‘father years.’

Actually, we all need to forgive hurts – and forget – whether we’re male men or female! And why am I especially emphasising you ladies? Note: Not picking on, but emphasising. Firstly, ladies, know this… you’re precious!

And as you know(!), we men can be dills! For example, shopping the other day on my own, I just couldn’t find hairspray that my darling Maureen told me would be easy to find in the cosmetics aisle. Yes, I had looked (and relooked!) but couldn’t find it. Into the aisle comes an elderly couple and I asked the lady, ‘Look, I’m a man and I can’t find hairspray for my wife. Would you know where I can find it, please?’ Well, she looked at me and said, ‘Right behind you.’ I turned round and sure enough there was what I needed! I thanked this lady and said, ‘Well, I told you I was a man.’ She laughed, nodding.

Now then, ladies… seriously… you are special! So here’s what I want to highlight especially for you…

Concern
God so made you women that you’re always more interpersonally sensitive than men! And you have to be! It’s your sensitivity that enables you not only to be a blessing to your hubby and help him make it in life, but to cope with being a mother and ‘just knowing’ how to deal with motherhood challenges… how best to train up your children, handle situations that arise with kids… sicknesses, new discoveries about life, teaching the alphabet, adding and subtraction, how to write, and especially teaching them to be responsible.

The problem is that being extra sensitive you ladies can be so easily hurt in ways that don’t faze men! Hurtful incidents happen but a guy’s attitude can simply be ‘He (or she) did that on me… but so what, I’ve got more to do than be hung up on it. I’ve got other things to be more concerned about. And that’s that!’ Or guys may speak to the one who hurt them and sort things out, or not. If a good follower of Jesus, they forgive in either case.

Take Kate (not real name) for example, a loving caring mother. Over the decades she did so much for her son, even when he got married. But then the couple moved to another state five years ago and he has never ever connected her. When Kate has phoned him, he shortens the call! Kate feels hurt; she can overlook her son’s negligence, but every now and then her sensitivity has her grieving within.

Yes, her son is failing his mum in not being thoughtful… as she was always for him. How Kate longs to be even phoned. Although she has forgiven him for his indiscretion, it still hangs like a heavy burdensome millstone around her heart, choking at times. It’s a classic case of Kate forgiving but not being able to forget!

The most precious thing about God’s forgiveness is that being God, He forgives… and forgets! But being human many times a sensitive woman finds this hard to do… yet they still love and care so much, but feel spurned and hurt, and just can’t move on.

Note: Yes, one could quickly say. ‘Oh, women like Kate shouldn’t be so childish themselves. If they’re Christian, they should know better!’ Easily said… perhaps without kindness, especially if you’re an insensitive man!

Caring
Praise God that He knows a woman’s sensitive heart, problematic issues and He cares. How He knew Hannah’s (1 Samuel 1:7-16), having her old priest bless her, and answering her so-feminine-sensitive need! And He met the needs of Hagar (Genesis 16:13NKJV), and Mary (Luke 1:30).

And how Jesus blessed women, even little girls… Peter’s mother-in-law (Matthew 8:15), Jarius’ daughter (Matthew 9:25), Canaanite mother’s demon-possessed daughter (Matthew 15:28), that ‘untouchable’ woman (Mark 5:34), Mary Magdalene (Mark 16:9), grieving widow of Nain (Luke 7:15), bent-doubled lady (Luke 13:12), adulterous woman (John 8:11), grieving sisters Martha and Mary (John 11:44)… and others.

I like how Luke 7:13 tells how Jesus felt for that widow of Nain – ‘… His heart went out to her…’ 

For both men and women, our Lord is our greatest example! He Himself never needed forgiveness of sin and faults, but He applied the forgive rule as He hung on Calvary’s cross looking around at those who had sneeringly persecuted Him, and no doubt recalling His friends – His disciples –  who had deserted Him. His heart went out to them all and He proclaimed, ‘Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing’ (Luke 23:34)!

Wow! Those must be twelve of Jesus’ most precious words! Today, He’s there for Kate, John, me, and others… Christian or not, hallelujah!

I can but care and pray for ‘the Kates’ as well as the ‘Johns’ and ‘others’ that their millstones will be lifted from their hearts, that nothing will cause them further grief and they will discover great joy from God in 2024. And, hallelujah,  I rejoice that our loving God cares even more than I can!

Compassion
One other thought… a positive for this female sensitivity which is so rich in caring for hubby, children and others with needs.

God’s forgiveness of our faults is a ‘dismissal’ of whatever wrong we’ve done. This means there is no charge against us (Romans 8:1). We need to understand that God’s gracious forgiveness of our sin is to be the measure of our gracious forgiveness of others (Ephesians 4:32). Gracious is charis, an act of divine influence on the heart.

And here’s where this feminine gentle sensitivity can be put to great use. The Message Bible version of this Ephesians verse urges, ‘Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you.’

Paul had just warned in Ephesians 4:30 ‘… do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God’ and in verse 31 ‘Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger … along with every form of malice’ urging that believers get their act together and not offend God!

Then comes verse 32 which I quoted from the Message Bible that urges to be ‘sensitive.’ The original Greek word is eusplagchnos – well-compassioned, sympathetic, tenderhearted – and various versions use one of these English words.

A fourth meaning is pitiful, ‘deserving pity.’ And how you ladies can be incredibly piteous as proven by the like of Florence Nightingale in WW1! So, dear Kates of this era, I encourage you to exude pity for whoever has hurt you.

Female sensitivity can cause pity to be so deep. Sensitive women can overthink about everything; their caring about every little thing comes from their heart and makes their love so powerful. May it be so with us men too (I could mention certain ‘male insensitivities toward women’ but won’t)!

Forgiving and forgetting are twins… forgiving is Holy Spirit power actions and forgetting is Holy Spirit power accomplishments! Remember…

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Dr Robert and Pr Maureen McQuillan’s links: OnlinerConnect@gmail.com and Facebook 
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