Ed Delph shares another thought-provoker…

Recently I had the privilege of speaking at Pure Heart Church in Glendale, Arizona on the subject of communication in marriage.

I’m not the best communicator in marriage – as Becky, my wife of 31 years, will attest. But maybe I can shed some light on this subject that maybe even I will apply.

Knowing is one thing. Doing is another!
All wives would say…Amen! to this.

I called our presentation (Becky was helping too), Lend Me Your HEAR. Notice the word HEAR. It has the words HER and EAR in it. Men …we need to say to ourselves… ‘EAR HEAR HER!’ That’s a lot of message in a small four letter word.

The Bible verse that we used was Song of Songs, 5:16: ‘This is my lover! Yes, this is my friend.’ This is what the newly married woman was saying about her husband. Notice, the woman was saying that about the man. She has expectations of friendship.

Most women want more than physical love. They also would like something called friendship love too.

Friendship has to do with communication and understanding
Women love it when men lend them their HEAR. You see, it’s easy to leave a spouse, hard to leave a friend. It’s easy to fall into lust, much harder to fall into love. Marriage works best when both love and friendship are present.

Most women have expectations of both but end up with only one of the two elements…usually physical love. That’s part of marriage but not all of marriage. It’s interesting; generally men give emotional love to get sex. Women give sex to get emotional love.

Aha! As they say, love is blind but marriage is a real eye opener. The problem is … love is grand but divorce is a hundred grand!

I would imagine most didn’t get married expecting to get divorced.

What’s the best way to stay married?
• Communicate
• Understand
• Be aware and care for your spouse.

The word ‘communicate’ evolved from the Latin and relates to ‘sharing.’ Sustainable marriages require communication. Don’t just talk.

Listen. Men, I know this is a hard one. We like tasks. We are focused. We have selective hearing. But become aware that the person next to you in bed thrives on two-way real communication, not just one- way information. Don’t just grunt. Speak. Remember: Marriage is either less me or more we.

Remember, opposites attract then negotiate the differences. Negotiation requires communication. Communication generally leads to commitment. Partner in making excellent decisions together.

Managing the gap between your expectations and reality
From Hollywood, the media, books and ideals, we have acquired certain expectations on what love and marriage should be.

While these ideas affect both men and women, women seem to struggle with this more.

Remember that book called Men Are From Mars, Women are From Venus?

Attention! You’re both from earth, deal with it! Nothing is so simple that it can’t be misunderstood, especially when one’s partner is from Venus…and the other from Mars.

Still like me, men?

Dr Ed Delph is president of Nationstrategy, an organisation with the strategy of envisioning and empowering today’s leaders in the church to be some of tomorrow’s leaders in the community. Links: nationstrategy@cs.com / http://www.nationstrategy.com