(July 24, 2021) Mama Lava shares an important realisation…

My eyebrows threatened to send me into a tailspin a few minutes ago!

I thought I’d write about it… just in case anyone else is in a tailspin and needs to be reminded of their value.

Tailspin horrors
So here’s what happened… I had just returned from a quick lunch date with my husband, Michael; nothing fancy, just a quick burrito at the place around the corner. I glanced into the mirror and noticed that my eyebrows really needed reshaping.

Suddenly, I heard the voice of one of my friends echo in my head about how vitally important it is for a wife to look ‘put together’ for her husband. I saw her beautifully kempt face in my mind’s eye, and I felt so inferior. ‘My poor husband must not feel as honoured by me as my friend’s husband does by her.’

Also in the mirror, I could see the shower door. It had water spots on it. The voice of another friend quipped up about how vital, and easy, it is to keep a clean house.

I stepped back and really gazed into the mirror at myself and the room I was in. I would need to spend hours to get us (me and the bathroom) up to the standards of those two friends. But when?

But hold it!
I could feel the tailspin starting to swirl… but I wasn’t going to fall for it.

‘Oh nah-uh! Sorry, Satan, not today, not over this. I’m not going to listen to you, even if you’re using the voices of some of my most precious friends.’

You see, when I think of the gals who make up my best friends, I see skills! I see beauty, cleanliness, talent, hours of volunteer service – I see so much that is worthy of praise! But this is the one vital something: I do not see it all in the same woman.

We each have our strengths. We each have our weaknesses. We each have our own people with whom we live and serve. We should never try to be each other and never-ever should one of us try to be all of us!

Neither God, nor my husband is disappointed in me today because my eyebrows need attention. Neither of them has the shower doors at the top of their priority lists. I am spending my day serving them both as best I can, in the ways they’ve let me know are important to them.

I was thinking about this and wondering if my voice enters the heads of my girlfriends when they are lacking in an area where I am strong. Their verbal encouragement to me was turned around by the enemy and used against me. Do my words get used against them? I would never want that!

Maybe instead of words, we should use our actions… What if my beauty guru friend came over and whipped my eyebrows into quick submission in exchange for some homemade cookies for her family? What if we each used our strengths to make all our households more well-rounded?

I realise that this WordPress community is scattered all around the world, but what could you organise for your local group of friends? Could you tutor your friend’s child while she helps clean your kitchen? What can you offer and what do you need?

Hey, guys…

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For any Back Porch guys who are still reading, thank you for sticking with me on this one. I’m not sure if this same dynamic plays out in bro-friendships. Maybe you can let me know. But if you’re in a relationship with any girl, I have a vital something for you too.

Does your wife, significant other, daughter, or favourite girl know what you value in her list of priorities? If she doesn’t have the time in her day to study, cook and clean, earn a paycheque, make herself stunning, volunteer in the community, care for the kids, practise an instrument, feed the animals and whatever else she is trying to do, does she know which things she can stop without letting you down?

If you’ve never explicitly told her, I encourage you to do so. It might help her to let herself off the hook when something small is about to send her into a tailspin.

We each have amazing strengths
Nobody can do it all well, but we can all do some things well. You – yes, you – my precious Back Porch friend, have amazing strengths. Don’t let the enemy send you into a tailspin over something as silly as your eyebrows, or their equivalent in the mirror into which you gaze.

God has made each of us on purpose and with a purpose. This one vital something reminded me of my value and stopped my tailspin. I don’t need to be who he made you to be, and you won’t be who he made me.

What are you good at? Where could you use some help?

Do you have a group of friends with whom you can partner to remind each other of your value and stop your tailspins? I’d love to hear your thoughts!


Mama Lava believes in making the big world a bit smaller through connection. Believing that everybody deserves to be wrapped in maternal love when they need it, she regularly shares encouragements… telling life experiences from an unapologetically Christian point of view the way she sees it, just as a mother does, via her  link, Mama Lava’s Back Porch ( A Dose of Maternal Love).

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