(July 30, 2021) Maureen McQuillan responds to a challenging situation where someone wants to help a friend but that person just can’t receive help at this time…
Dear Pastor Maureen
A good friend on mine is in quite a state… her husband walked out on her, ending the marriage. I want to help her but she doesn’t want to talk about it. What can I do? Sonya.
Dear Sonya
I sense your heart… but the truth is that if your friend won’t open up and talk with you, you just can’t help, nobody can. At least not at this moment.
It’s going to take time for her to adjust to what’s happened… she’s in shock, probably thinking she’s failed as a wife, trying to work out what went wrong that this has happened, how did it come about and why? She’s obviously closed up inside and needs some space.
Presently the best thing you can do is to pray for her. Also… how about you send her a bunch of flowers with a thoughtful card that doesn’t centre on her misfortunate but suggests a coffee morning somewhere when she feels free to catch up. Pray that she will respond when she feels freer in her spirit, more relaxed, and agreeable to catching up. Even then, don’t pressurise her… be a good friend and talk about things you both like.
And… before you go for that coffee, Sonya, ask the Holy Spirit to give you the right opening… he will and you’ll know just what to say, to ask and good godly advice to give. Gentleness is the key here.
Oh, something to encourage you… Romans 15:13 (my favourite scripture), ‘May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.’
Proverbs 27:9Mge is good too: ‘Just as lotions and fragrance give sensual delight, a sweet friendship refreshes the soul.’
In short, Sonya, keep it short. Yours will prove a sweet friendship indeed! Trust this helps you.
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Got a question for either Pr Maureen or Dr Robert McQuillan? Email to OnlinerConnect@gmail.com
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Connecting with You! 
Great advice! Some
Wounds are just too sore to touch until God has done some healing work first- especially winds of the heart! Thank you for sharing this very common dilemma and solution.