(February 26, 2023) Dr Robert McQuillan encourages a troubled carer…
You mentioned some troubling heavies in your article Troubled-hearts-minds-and-characters. To avoid such things hanging on us. I like your quote from the Complete Jewish Bible: ‘Don’t let yourselves be disturbed’ (John 14:1CJB).
Well, I am disturbed, Robert, and while I hear what you’re saying here, I’m still feeling heavy, downhearted, uneasy and I’m wondering if having to counselling people (even Christians),having to always be listening to their troubles, their problems, could somehow be at the bottom of how I’m feeling. Pastor ‘Jones’.
Hi Pastor ‘Jones’
I could have said much more in that article… but as I have to limit other contributors, I have to cull back my own articles too! Now then, I’m wondering if the following is the cause of what you’re feeling… (if so, it’s a piece of advice, a warning, that I’ve written about before, given to pastors, even to psychiatrists, physiatrists and counsellors, Christian or not! (Especially carers with the right heart like yourself).
In a nutshell… don’t be tricked into carrying the deadweight of those who trouble you with their heavy problems! Be wise… there’s a subtilty here. The one being helped may not even be aware of it but what can happen – has happened – is that after a while they’re feeling great but you’re feeling uncomfortable.
Don’t be concerned about technical names here… think of it as ‘transference.’ Now professionals mentioned above know about different kinds of transference… but sometimes even ‘experts’ need to be reminded to back down! Especially when negative transference is the name of the game!